Pro SPAM

15 November, 2003 8:52 AM

Spam gets a lot of attention. Not a day goes by when I don't read a blog entry complaining about it or announcing some new way to stop those unwanted messages ending up in our Inbox or blog comments. Everyone is ANTI SPAM - me included.

However today I got to wondering what life would be like if I was PRO SPAM? If instead of filtering out and deleting those annoying emails I actually followed their recommendations what would my life be like?

In looking at the last two days emails I've begun to get a picture of the answer to that question.

Finances
I would be RICH! Firstly if I had any debt - my friendly 'Christian Debt Relief Company' would help me out. Once that is sorted I'd have no end of ways of making millions of dollars in 'no risk investments'. Share trading online could make me millions, so could learning the skill of illustration for Children's Books for which I would enroll in a course for.

I could also invest my money in timeshare in Hawaii, buy real estate online, share in a $500,000 giveaway at an online casino or I could sell fossils in my own online auction business.

Of course investing is not the easiest way to make money because today i received an email from a nice Nigerian Barrister (who was recently converted by Benny Hinn) who has $10,000,000.00 (US) to donate to a Christian Ministry willing to give him all their contact and banking details. Strangely enough I got almost a word for word email from a very nice Kuwaiti woman yesterday.

Oh and of course if I sent a kind gentleman $25 I would soon have thousands of other people sending me $25 from all over the world also - its guaranteed to earn me $71,000 in just five years.

Possessions Not only would I be rich but I'd be able to get my hands on some bargains. I would have a life time's supply of Viagra, diet pills and other miscellaneous pharmaceutical supplies.

I'd own a brand new laptop (with 1995 specifications), I would have free cable television I would be buying Mini Remote Control Cars & Boats for all my family and friends for Christmas, I would own a brand new Transcendent and funk-filled Zen Bhuddist CD and I would have a great collection of Hustler magazines including all the back issues I don't already have in my collection.

Lifestyle
My life would be hassle free and exciting! What an amazing array of experiences and services spam offers. One of the biggest changes in my life would be that I would have a three foot long penis! (after the 12 or so procedures I'd have to follow) Not only that but my orgasms would be enhanced and my Libido would be elevated.

I'd have no more spam (the irony), I would be on a new dietguaranteed to make me loose weight, my children would be protected from bad language sex and violence on TV, my car's fuel economy would be boosted by 27% and I would have some very reasonably priced toner for my printer.

I'd have a brand new 'Christian T-shirt' and could win $1000 for my youth group, I could get a Bachelor degree, Masters or PhD without attending any classes or doing any exams, I would be in a 'prayer relationship' with a Kenyan man who will only charge me $100US for the privilege and I could get my colon cleaned.

Lastly I would be friends with some very nice young ladies including Candy, Bindy, Sandy, Randy, Lindy, Barbie, Shelly and Matilda who are all keen for me to have a look at some of their photos. Must be some holiday snaps.

All in all my life would be so great if I was Pro Spam. Come to think of it I'm not sure why anyone would be Anti Spam!?

Comments

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And don't forget the easily obtainable online Ph.D. degree either.
I've had Nigerian spam every day this week, sometimes more than one.

Shalom,
Jan

Jan » 15 November, 2003 9:48 AM

Hey, you know those girls too? But they said I was special.

Btw, I just heard that you no longer need '12 or so procedures.' Just take one tablet for a month and you'll have a member like a donkey and be going all night like a Stallion!

Graham » 15 November, 2003 10:37 AM

Cute!! Thanks, I needed the laugh.

Persnickety » 15 November, 2003 11:50 AM

Yeah, I won the online Netherlands lottery today...

Matt » 15 November, 2003 1:07 PM

Got me smiling!

Steve » 16 November, 2003 3:27 AM

Hilarious! :)

timsamoff » 16 November, 2003 5:28 AM

IMPORTANT!! STOP SPAM NOW! ASK ME HOW! SPECIAL OFFER FOR YOU! ONLY 29.95! HEALS CATS, OPENS TINS, BRIGHTENS TEETH! FISH SWIM UPSTREAM! MISSLE DEFENSE SHIELDS, HOLIDAY SPECIAL! ONLY 19.97! ACT NOW!!!!!!

Spamwich! » 17 November, 2003 1:15 PM

Darren,
What is the big deal with spam? Why is everyone so uptight about deleting something from their inbox? Delete it and move on. I'm so sick of everyone complaining about insignificant things as this! Are peoples lives just this unfulfilling?
Last thought, does this have anything to do with the US postal service loosing money to email??? Can't wait to pay for my emails....
-j

j » 10 December, 2003 6:00 PM

I got to this sight to learn the tools to spam and look what I found.Can anyone tell me how this proccess works(spaming I mean.)
And I'm not joking.

shatela » 29 February, 2004 5:29 PM

Please spam me...I am pro spam

dumb dumb » 25 March, 2004 7:12 AM

The question of Spam shouldn't be how to eradicate it but rather how to elevate it. Improve the medium and everybody wins! As with TV commercials in decades past; fierce competition for viewers' attention helped create a better quality advert. Some so successful in fact, that viewers often look forward to seeing them, and ultimately enjoy sharing them with others.

Why am I pro Spam? Because I'm pro advertising! A consumer advertising empire is developing before our eyes on the internet. And while I agree the present quality of Spam is dismal, why kill the messenger when all we really need to do is spruce up the message. Let's give awards for outstanding achievements in Spam, let's promote the making of Spam as a worthy creative vocation; let's help Spam to grow-up!

Spam-I-Am » 18 April, 2004 6:55 AM

i enjoy being spammed. please send whatever you have. i buy everything i get an ad for. thanks.

sweet » 5 July, 2004 10:28 AM

i want spam.

support@ccbill.com
support@ccbill.com
support@ccbill.com

support@ccbill.com » 24 July, 2004 7:36 AM

I want it too:
17799@iso-17799-security-world.co.uk
info@iso17799software.com
enquiries@iso-17799.com
enquiries@iso17799-web.com
help@iso17799-made-easy.com
assist@standardsdirect.org
enquiries@standardshop.com
enquiries@induction.to
cobra@riskworld.net
bs7799@thewindow.to
drworld@disasterrecoveryworld.com
assist@securitypolicy.co.uk
as400@as400security.net
information@security-manual.com

Cobra » 28 September, 2004 7:49 AM

I want spam upon spam

Ronnie Taylor » 30 October, 2004 12:36 AM

I want spam. I have never ever got any and believe my system is unbeatable. come and try scunner@calis-beach.co.uk.

scunner » 9 November, 2004 4:41 PM

kellmac22@msn.com

kellmac22@msn.com » 5 December, 2004 1:27 PM

i want ALOT of spam!

sony@maps.hopto.org » 12 February, 2005 9:50 AM

i want ALOT of spam! sony@maps.hopto.org

sony@maps.hopto.org » 12 February, 2005 9:50 AM

Please give me as much spam as you can

Ben » 15 February, 2005 3:38 PM

SPAM ME jptca@netcabo.pt

jptca@netcabo.pt » 17 February, 2005 4:09 AM

edwardmcghee@cox.net
edwardmcghee@cox.net
edwardmcghee@cox.net
edwardmcghee@cox.net
edwardmcghee@cox.net
edwardmcghee@cox.net
edwardmcghee@cox.net

eddie » 21 February, 2005 2:54 AM

I got's to have me some of that spam!!

spguy@aerusonline.com
spambucket@aerusonline.com

Spam me NOW!!!

Spam Guy » 5 March, 2005 8:35 AM

I would like some spam please. I don't get nearly enough.

crazyhorse@aerusonline.com
spguy@aerusonline.com

Crazy Horse » 5 March, 2005 10:36 AM

Alex@spam.cmlawrence.com
John@spam.cmlawrence.com
Bilbo@spam.cmlawrence.com
SpamBucket@spam.cmlawrence.com

MeToo » 9 March, 2005 3:06 PM

diehle@duq.edu
diehle@duq.edu
diehle@duq.edu
diehle@duq.edu
diehle@duq.edu

iwant spam

spam me » 17 March, 2005 2:03 PM

Pro SPAM

15 November, 2003 8:52 AM

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