I'm Pro SPAM

5 March, 2004 2:08 PM

Spam gets a lot of attention. Not a day goes by when I don't read a blog entry complaining about it or announcing some new way to stop those unwanted messages ending up in our Inbox or blog comments. Everyone is ANTI SPAM - me included.

However today I got to wondering what life would be like if I was PRO SPAM? If instead of filtering out and deleting those annoying emails I actually followed their recommendations what would my life be like?

In looking at the last two days emails I've begun to get a picture of the answer to that question.

Finances I would be RICH! Firstly if I had any debt - my friendly 'Christian Debt Relief Company' would help me out. Once that is sorted I'd have no end of ways of making millions of dollars in 'no risk investments'. Share trading online could make me millions, so could learning the skill of illustration for Children's Books for which I would enroll in a course for.

I could also invest my money in timeshare in Hawaii, buy real estate online, share in a $500,000 giveaway at an online casino or I could sell fossils in my own online auction business.

Of course investing is not the easiest way to make money because today i received an email from a nice Nigerian Barrister (who was recently converted by Benny Hinn) who has $10,000,000.00 (US) to donate to a Christian Ministry willing to give him all their contact and banking details. Strangely enough I got almost a word for word email from a very nice Kuwaiti woman yesterday.

Oh and of course if I sent a kind gentleman $25 I would soon have thousands of other people sending me $25 from all over the world also - its guaranteed to earn me $71,000 in just five years.

Possessions
Not only would I be rich but I'd be able to get my hands on some bargains. I would have a life time's supply of Viagra, diet pills and other miscellaneous pharmaceutical supplies.

I'd own a brand new laptop (with 1995 specifications), I would have free cable television I would be buying Mini Remote Control Cars & Boats for all my family and friends for Christmas, I would own a brand new Transcendent and funk-filled Zen Bhuddist CD and I would have a great collection of Hustler magazines including all the back issues I don't already have in my collection.

Lifestyle
My life would be hassle free and exciting! What an amazing array of experiences and services spam offers. One of the biggest changes in my life would be that I would have a three foot long penis! (after the 12 or so procedures I'd have to follow) Not only that but my orgasms would be enhanced and my Libido would be elevated.

I'd have no more spam (the irony), I would be on a new dietguaranteed to make me loose weight, my children would be protected from bad language sex and violence on TV, my car's fuel economy would be boosted by 27% and I would have some very reasonably priced toner for my printer.

I'd have a brand new 'Christian T-shirt' and could win $1000 for my youth group, I could get a Bachelor degree, Masters or PhD without attending any classes or doing any exams, I would be in a 'prayer relationship' with a Kenyan man who will only charge me $100US for the privilege and I could get my colon cleaned.

Lastly I would be friends with some very nice young ladies including Candy, Bindy, Sandy, Randy, Lindy, Barbie, Shelly and Matilda who are all keen for me to have a look at some of their photos. Must be some holiday snaps.

All in all my life would be so great if I was Pro Spam. Come to think of it I'm not sure why anyone would be Anti Spam!?

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