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Flatulence Tax

21 June, 2003 12:46 AM

Check out this amazing article on a subject close to my heart. The crux of the article is that New Zealand's government is considering passing a Livestock....flatulence tax in a bid to reduce New Zealand's contribution to global warming. This is because livestock accounts for about half of New Zealand's greenhouse gas emissions.

Sheep will be levied at 9c each and cows at up to 72c under the Government's proposals which should raise $8.4million per year.

I think its not a bad idea - but I have a better one. Rather than letting all that gas loose on our environment where it will do untold damage, perhaps we should harness it and use it for good rather than evil!

I therefore propose that we should attach little flatulence catchers to the rear ends of every sheep and cow on the globe. (we could start with New Zealand cause they are so keen on cashing in on the gas) Farmers would go out into the fields every night at the end of a days work and collect the methane filled bags to come back to a central flatulence processor where the gas could be refined and then piped to a central location to be sold to run cars, make electricity and keep gas ovens going!

Opportunities to tap into the human market would also exist. One study I read a few years back said that the average person farted 14 times per day. (I'd say that is a conservative estimate....not from personal experience of course!) That's 5,110 times a year or 383,250 times in a 75 year life time.

Therefore at the current world population of 6.3billion people we're farting at a rate of 88.2billion farts a day!

Ok - this is gross - its silly - but imagine...just imagine if we could harness it and use it for good!? Maybe I should scrap my children's book ideas and go into the lucrative fart catching business!

Yes it would be a little fiddley, but there would be many benefits.

1. The gas would not be released into the atmosphere and thereby cut down greenhouse emissions considerably.

2. It would be a revenue raiser for individuals and especially farmers world wide.

3. It would mean other non-renewable resources would last a lot longer.

There could be some downsides to it too however.

The biggest of these would be that it could cause war to be launched on countries like New Zealand and Australia which have such high levels of flatulence making livestock. However as an Aussie I propose we work on a strategy for defending our resource by lighting the gas coming out of our cattle at the first sign of a foreign country attacking.

Ok - this needs a group approach. Are there any others out there that would like to put your heads together to think through the logistics of the operation???



Very nice site- flatulence and theology, together at last!
I'll be back here, too.

Homie Bear » 21 June, 2003 3:16 AM

great post. glad your back on the blog

Jared Williams » 21 June, 2003 7:26 AM

Darren - You're full of hot air.

Mike » 21 June, 2003 8:16 AM

Looks like all the best comments are already taken.
Actually more methane comes from the front end of a cow than the rear. Trying to catch that would prevent eating and defeat the purpose! I suppose I could say that something like this could come only from NZ, but that might offend Rachel and others.

Jan » 21 June, 2003 8:51 AM

Kiwis are always known for their ingenuity :) Hehehe

Rachel C » 21 June, 2003 8:55 AM

You'd certainly know when you've left the gas on!

Luke » 21 June, 2003 9:06 AM

KPF? MPF? How many kilometers/miles per fart?

Susan L. Prince » 21 June, 2003 9:47 AM


Lisa » 21 June, 2003 10:17 AM

Every group conversation (esp with Xns) I have been part of eventually seems to wind its way back to flatulence - at least this time it wasn't my influence. Good to see some creative approaches to the fart!

hamo » 21 June, 2003 11:15 AM

Oops - I didn't realize that the >< signs made your comment disappear. I was giggling in the brackets.

As an aside, isn't it nice that Mike said you were full of hot air instead of full of .....

Lisa » 21 June, 2003 2:14 PM

The words disappeared again! Those are powerful symbols. Maybe Gary Kotter should think about using the pointy brackets is his fight against evil.

The erased words were: "I didn't realize that the pointy bracket (I typed the symbols) made your words disappear. I was giggling in my earlier comment."

Lisa » 21 June, 2003 2:17 PM

I know this all very funny and humerous and a prime candidate for "aren't those ____ stupid! ha ha ha" kind of attacks. We all walk shaking our collective heads and all.


The byproducts produced by the animals we raise for slaughter - urine, feces, and these infamous "gaseous emmisions" is actually quite a serious concern and is, in part, a factor amongst many others in contributing to the problem of global climate change. Also the fact that raising animals for our dinner table is a very wasteful enterprise in general - it takes some 16 pounds of grain to "produce" a pound of steak never mind the other costs of animal husbandry.

» 22 June, 2003 2:36 AM

So, Mr/Ms Nameless, are you vegetarian?

irene » 23 June, 2003 12:56 AM

I think we've found something useful for all the tobacco farmers in Kentucky to do! ;^)

debi » 23 June, 2003 12:44 PM

Just imagine the flatulence turbines that would generate electricity from inside our legislative buildings!

Sir Lawrence » 7 July, 2003 6:57 AM

I know this is a really old post, but I'm just browsing your archives and came across this. It's too funny! It also reminds me of a Saturday Night Live skit I saw a few weeks ago on someone who measured cow farts for a living. Interesting idea :)

Neely » 16 November, 2003 8:21 PM

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