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June 20, 2003

Gary Kotter and the Theologian's Drone

A post in anticipation of the release of Harry Potter

I've been thinking of writing a children�s book. I'm not sure anything has been done like this before - let me run the basic storyline past you - tell me what you think.

The hero of the book is Gary Kotter - he's a young orphan who's father was a famous TV Evangelist. His parents were killed in an altar call that went horribly wrong. Since then he's been raised by his conservative Aunt and Uncle who haven�t allowed Gary to exercise the gifts of the Spirit that like his father he also seems to have.

One day Gary receives a scholarship to attend a school in a parallel universe - a seminary called Godswarts. On arriving at Godswarts he makes friends with Con Beasley and Dermoine Ranger (who has a sparkle in her eye and who he suspects he might be destined to marry one day, after an appropriate courting period where they will only see each other with a chaperone - Seminary rules).

Gary finds the expectations upon him at Godswarts are high due to his fathers fame but he lives up to them by quickly becoming the star of his house's bible verse memorisation team. (His house is BennyHinndeldorff - the house for up and coming TV evangelists)

Gary's nemesis in this adventure is fellow student Derwin Roose from the house called 'Livenrom' (the house for up and coming 'raving Muslim loving liberals' like this who start alternative forms of church).

Gary and Derwin battle in this first adventure of 7 (holy number) to make their theology lectures enter the new millennium. Each tries to outwit the other with their ability to quote from obscure ancient texts and their obsession with writing on a huge array of topics on Godswarts blog.

The climax of the book is an amazing scene in the seminary library where the headmaster (Dumbledork) overseas a titanic dual between our hero Gary and the college's axle of evil! I can't say too much about the ending but I will say that the book will be better than the movie.

Update - Movie rights will be auctioned in the comments section - what am I bid?

Posted by Darren at June 20, 2003 08:42 AM | TrackBack

Love it!

Posted by: Jan at June 20, 2003 09:13 AM

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Sounds like witchcraft, if you ask me. =)

Someone's excited about the new book release?

thanks darren. I needed to laugh out loud.

Posted by: Jared Williams at June 20, 2003 09:57 AM

HA HA HA - laughing and rolling around on the floor...off to play liturgittich...

Posted by: Paul at June 20, 2003 11:19 AM


Make sure to publish at least 4 - 5 books off of that storyline, now... :)

Posted by: Matt at June 20, 2003 12:14 PM

Too funny!!

Posted by: Laura at June 20, 2003 12:23 PM

So what are you planning to spend your first billion dollars from the royalties on?

Posted by: chris at June 20, 2003 01:04 PM

Darren, I think you should go for it. But first, you might want to hire a lawyer; I think I just spotted an excerpt of your book in the New York Post! (They *claim* they bought it from a local Kosher deli, the proprietor of which didn't know he wasn't supposed to release it due to the fact that it hasn't yet been written.)

Posted by: Eric at June 20, 2003 01:34 PM

Damn! I wish I'd thought of that! Great stuff mate.

Posted by: Richard Hall at June 20, 2003 05:01 PM

Great idea! :)
God's Blessings!

Posted by: megan at June 20, 2003 05:13 PM

Hilarious, Darren! You have a wonderful imagination. I enjoy your story-telling posts very much :)

Posted by: irene at June 20, 2003 05:46 PM

good stuff. BTW, have you read RIGHT BEHIND, the satiric answer to LEFT BEHIND? no kidding, the triumphant battle takes place between the good guy and the antichrist in a christian bookstore. so you're on track with your satire, too, mate.

Posted by: rick at June 20, 2003 07:54 PM

Brilliant! You crack me up, Darren! :^P

Posted by: debi at June 20, 2003 08:24 PM

Now THAT is a book I would read ;-) But when it comes to the final duel...well, let's just say I've seen Crocodile Dundee. I'm putting my money on the Aussie. ;-)

Posted by: Jonathan at June 20, 2003 11:36 PM

Very clever! Now that sounds like a book I could read! ;^)

Posted by: Rich at June 20, 2003 11:50 PM

Does it come in a comic?

Posted by: Mike at June 21, 2003 12:21 AM

Hey D' ... you've been blogged.

Compendium of Christian POTter-heads

Deal with it!

Posted by: Mean Dean at June 21, 2003 12:28 AM

Darren this is brilliant! :)

A breath of fresh air compared to the other emails I've had in the past about Harry Potter...

Posted by: Rachel C at June 21, 2003 08:53 AM

I'll read it. Just one question though? Does God have warts as the name of the school would seem to suggest?

Posted by: Christopher at June 21, 2003 10:42 AM

Are you still taking bids for the movie rights? I've got a cheese sandwich and some past-date milk I can offer in exchange!

Posted by: Stephen at June 25, 2003 02:38 AM
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